Mum, I made a note to you.

My beautiful mother,

I am having this serious block in my brain. It is not allowing me to throw words on the paper. It is frustrating. It is a struggle. My thoughts are trapped in vines and they are not flowing. It gives me slight migraines. I tried all sorts of sorcery, it fails miserably. I am complaining, yes. As usual.

Today, as I was wrapping up the day my player stuck on this heartwarming track, “you raised me up.” I leaned back on my chair, stopped working, and raised the volume to full, and closed my eyes. I tried to sink in the words. “I am still and wait in silence until you come and sit awhile with me.” This gave me goosebumps, and I had felt your voice around. The only voice in my head and the only thought was you, mum. Yes. I think of you. If that made you smile. I do. Very much. Quite often. But I would like to burst the bubble and tease you that, I am certainly a Daddy’s girl. Everyone has their favorites.

I did not pick up the phone to call you, because you might not like this sound in my voice with severe laryngitis.

Twenty years ago, I left home. I know it was a painful goodbye to you. But mum, I left to explore the world. I know your prayers stayed with me every single second of my life. I am sorry if I had hurt you in the process. I have never left you. My ego, pride, had not let me say these to you. But I know you longed for me to say these things. I decided to throw in this publicly so you would feel how proud I am to call you my mother, the most beautiful one, one could ever ask for. But this is true I took your love for granted. When you worry that I eat alone, that I work so hard, I roll my eyes. But when I hang up the phone, I feel a smile on my face. A radiance and energy to tell me, I am loved unconditionally. I am a lucky girl, indeed. You would complain to everyone that I am to level headed to say these things to you because I am just like my father. Perhaps I am.

But I love you just the way you are. This will make your day I know.

With love

Your one and only daughter. xx